Frugal Ideas for Leftover Halloween Candy

29 Oct 2015 | Author: | No comments yet »

Frugal Ideas for Leftover Halloween Candy.

Stocking your pantry for Halloween trick-or-treaters this week? Nod along if this sounds familiar: You head to the store and buy more than one bag of candy (maybe because you found a great coupon!) and you anticipate dozens of trick-or-treaters ringing your doorbell on October 31.Halloween, as most people know, is a poorly disguised governmental mandate to promote the downward redistribution of candy to America’s leading moocher class: children. Then, reality sets in on the morning of November 1, when you can count on one hand how many costumed kids actually stopped by, and you’re stuck with a few bags of unopened treats… not counting the pieces you ate the previous evening. Candy prices this month are expected to jump 4.2% compared with October 2014, the biggest increase in four years, says Chris Christopher, director of global consumer economics at IHS Global Insight.

Or, if you’re in your 20s, because you’ve already picked out whatever sex gear you’re planning to wear in public and procured the drugs you’ll ingest. You can read more about this in my upcoming book, “The Snickering of America: Trick-or-Treating Our Way to Tyranny.” My relentless opposition to this “holiday” has made me an All Hallows’ Eve expert, so I feel obligated to share some of my knowledge, given that we’re all forced to participate anyway. (Thanks a lot, Obama.) Obviously the worst part of Halloween is the physical exertion that comes from traipsing around the neighborhood while your insolent children pander for candy. The culprit: rising prices for global raw sugar, refined sugar beets and U.S. cocoa powder, which have recently pushed up prices for candy and chewing gum.

If your kids insist on engaging in the sinful practice of trick-or-treating, you can now stay home and monitor their doomed souls using a camera-equipped quadcopter. Candy prices had been creeping up “at a rather fast pace” starting about a decade ago, but leveled off between 2012 and 2014 before picking up again this year, Mr.

And perhaps, especially if you are parent, especially one who reads the health section in the newspaper, you’re unsure as to whether to give out candy, or opt for something healthier. At the first sign of trouble, simply place the drone into “attack mode” and fend off unwanted aggressors by bonking them in their heads or, depending on how much you spent on the drone, atomizing them with AGM-114 Hellfire missiles. (Be sure to check whether local ordinances sanction the use of large-scale military equipment.) An even better option is to persuade your children to stay home while you send the drone out to gather the candy, either by going door to door or by snagging the bags of neighborhood children you dislike. (Watch your back, Mikey. A couple of Halloweens ago, soon after I moved to the neighborhood, my wife and I took our kid trick-or-treating up and down the commercial strip near our house. (Businesses tend to make better hunting grounds than residences in the afternoon, which is when we were going.) We came to one block where there happened to be two storefront dentist’s offices within a couple of doors of each other. As delicious as it is, rather than risk a toothache, stomachache or just plain overindulgence, there are tons of possibilities for your household’s Halloween candy.

Dentists find themselves in an interesting predicament on Halloween, and sure enough, when we sent the kid in to the first place’s receptionist desk, he returned with a sandwich baggy containing a toothbrush and some dental floss and, I think, a little eraser in the shape of a race car or a clown or something. For example, if you’re conservative, there can be no scarier costume than Hillary Clinton Being Inaugurated, except perhaps Sexy Hillary Clinton Being Inaugurated. That would be the weakest reading since 2009, but it follows big gains last year. “Last year’s Halloween candy spending came back like gangbusters (up 5.0%) since 2012 and 2013 were relatively depressed and lower gasoline prices were starting to get into the American psyche,” Mr. If you’re experiencing a little (or a lot) of backlash from your children about cutting down on the amount of candy being consumed, you can offset these complaints by telling them that they can eat it, but they have to wait. Other reasonable right-leaning costumes include: Super Paul Ryan, with cape, muscle-T and P90X-approved dumbbells; the popular two-person model, New York Times columnist Paul Krugman Being Eaten By Bear; any Founding Father; and Rush Limbaugh Atop Mountain Of Liberal Bones.

For wealthy suburban liberals, the scariest costume for several years running is, of course, The Gluten, followed closely by a peanut costume that last year created such panic it was banned in 17 states. More than 90% of Halloween shoppers plan to buy candy this year, according to the National Retail Federation, which pegs total candy spending around $2.1 billion. Other frightening costume options for any liberal family include: Fiscal Responsibility; Donald Trump Holding Nuclear Launch Codes; Ann Coulter Opening Her Mouth To Say Something; and Plastic Bottle That Is Not BPA-Free.

In the unlikely event that your son or daughter doesn’t want to wear an ideologically themed costume, just gently bonk the child on the head a few times with your drone until he or she submits. Overall spending is expected to reach $6.9 billion, including about a third on costumes—$350 million for pet getups alone—and close to a third on decorations. Although we may not traditionally think of Halloween — with its ghouls and ghosts and toilet paper in the trees — as a night of hospitality, today it functions as one of the few times we really give to those we’ve never met and connect with people outside our network.

And it’s not just your obnoxious neighbor who got started early: 34% of consumers said they planned to start their Halloween shopping before October, according to NRF, up slightly from last year. They dress up and often try to pass themselves off as oversize middle-schoolers or helpful older siblings, but you know the truth — they’re greedy nougat junkies itching for a free fix. You don’t want to give in to people gaming the system, but you also worry that denying a teen hoodlum a treat might result in your house being egged or flaming-bag-of-dog-pooped.

Adults have co-opted it as their own, as evidenced by the proliferation of the “sexy” witch/devil/cat/pumpkin costumes that have turned the holiday into foreplay. When you determine that a teen is unworthy of your precious KitKat, grab a piece of candy from your bowl, maintain eye contact with the trick-or-treater, reach your hand into his or her bag and then tap your finger on the bag so it sounds like a piece of candy was dropped. But as far back as the Puritans, the religious right has been bad mouthing Halloween — not for its lack of churchiness but for having too much Catholic ritual about it: All Saints’ Day (Nov. 1) and All Souls’ Day (Nov. 2) were two of the most important dates in the medieval Catholic calendar, and the hallowed eve of Oct. 31 marked the gateway to the two-day celebrations of the dead.

Another idea that can fill your kids’ lunches or power your weekend walks: Mix the sweet candy with salty pretzels and nuts (check if you have cereal leftover in the cupboard to add, too) and make an easy and delicious trail mix. See you in six months!” If we really want to do something about the obesity epidemic in our country (which I begrudgingly accept, I guess, that we should), if we’re really trying to get kids to eat healthier, we should limit their candy intake. Candy appeared pretty late, explains Lisa Morton, author of “The Halloween Encyclopedia” and “Trick or Treat: A History of Halloween,” and it was mainly introduced to bribe unruly children into more civilized celebrations.

And that’s when “a lot of the cities came up with these very institutionalized plans to control pranking by buying the kids off with parties.” And sugar. But despite trick-or-treating’s function as social control and cash cow, in an age of virtual lives, it’s now a good reason to take back the night in the spirit of human contact. When I was a trick-or-treater, roaming the streets of suburban New Jersey with toupees glued to the tops of tan bedroom slippers to make for a more realistic hobbit, being given a box of raisins or an apple or a granola bar (Mr and Mrs Felsner, in the white Victorian on Willow Drive, if you’re still alive, I’m looking at you!), knowing that the stuff was going straight into the garbage can once I got home.

In comparison with all the candy in our plastic orange pumpkin carriers with the frightfully sharp black plastic handle straps, the healthier food paled from “Sure-why-not-I’ll-have-some-of-those” to “What-kind-of-an-idiot-do-you-take-me for?!” (Raisins are “nature’s candy …” Come onnnnn, Molly Ringwald!) The annual Halloween experience served to highlight and reinforce the non-delicious status of healthier snacks. And that for most of the year, for everyday snacking, fruits and nuts do have their less-orgiastic, but still perfectly satisfying place. (This is easier said than done, I realize. A few years ago, when I wrote a cookbook on entertaining in autumn and winter, I wanted to give readers a reason to get out in the cold to meet and eat with each other rather than retreat into the indoor life we create on our screens.

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