Two years ago, Sam Poulin decided to take a break from hockey and return home to take care of himself and his mental health, seeking the help he needed.
It was incredibly brave of the young forward, who’s talked about his journey in the time since, wanting anyone else who is struggling to know that they’re not alone.
Poulin then took it one step further during the team’s annual Hockey Talks Game on Jan. 11 versus Ottawa, detailing everything he’s gone through during SportsNet Pittsburgh’s Unobstructed Views alternate broadcast, hosted by reporter Hannah Mears and analyst Max Talbot, a fellow Quebec native.
Talbot first got to know Poulin while working for the agency CAA in the summer of 2019, when Sam got drafted in the first round by Pittsburgh. They’ve stayed in touch ever since, with Talbot reaching out to see if Poulin would join them to talk about mental health awareness.
“I figured it was a perfect time for me to talk about it and to share my story and what happened to me over the last couple of years,” Poulin said.
After being drafted, Poulin played one more season of major junior hockey before turning pro for the 2021-22 campaign, picking up 16 goals in 72 games with Wilkes-Barre/Scranton. Poulin earned his first NHL call-up in the 2022-23 season, playing three games from Oct. 25-Nov. 5 before getting sent back down. Once Poulin returned to the American Hockey League, he found himself in an unfamiliar headspace.
“I just started feeling so depressed, and I didn’t want to go to the rink anymore,” said Poulin, who couldn’t remember a time when he didn’t love the game. His father Patrick played in the NHL, and his godfather – former Penguins goalie Jocelyn Thibault – called Sam ‘such a hockey kid.’
“Just going to practice every day was just getting harder and harder… I just felt like I had so much pressure on my shoulders of performing and all that.”
It resulted in Poulin having a major panic attack in the middle of a game versus Hershey a month later, on Dec. 5. It felt almost like a concussion, with Poulin feeling dizzy and in a fog. So, Poulin left the game and spoke with the medical staff, going home two days later.
Reflecting back, Poulin said he had faced a couple of life issues over the previous 3-4 years that he didn’t deal with in the moment, because he was too focused on hockey and making the NHL. Once he got that close to his dream, the anxiety – especially performance anxiety – became debilitating. Even watching a game or simply talking about hockey could be triggering.
“All those issues, I would just put them in the back and not really deal with them. But at some point, they kind of caught up, and that’s when the panic attack in Hershey happened,” Poulin said. “So, I kind of had to relearn how to love the game of hockey and relearn how to be in that environment every day and how to be able to perform, even though I had those issues.”
It helped that Poulin had the support of the entire organization. Then-WBS head coach J.D. Forrest went to find Poulin right after he exited the game in Hershey, giving him a big hug and saying, ‘don’t worry, Sam – take care of yourself and don’t even worry about hockey right now. We just want you to be good.’ That meant a lot to Poulin, going through such a scary time at just 21 years old.
“Right away, I kind of felt that the approach was really human with the Pittsburgh Penguins,” Poulin said. “I didn’t really think that they were pressuring me to get back. They wanted me to be healthy first, and then after that, to be back as a hockey player. In the first place, I really thought that they were really awesome with that stuff.”
But it was still an immensely difficult process, especially because of the stigma that can surround taking care of one’s mental health. “I just had so much shame. I didn’t feel comfortable taking that break, to be honest,” Poulin admitted. At the time, he didn’t have a lot of knowledge surrounding mental health, save for the Bell Let’s Talk movement in Canada. And like so many others, Poulin didn’t think it would ever affect him so intensely.
“In the back of my mind, I thought I was weak. I thought I was letting my teammates down, letting my team down. All those thoughts were going through my mind,” Poulin said.
But Poulin had done the right thing, which actually took so much courage. Once he arrived home, Poulin just tried to disconnect from hockey as much as possible.
“It was almost like a leg injury. For example, you break your leg, you won’t do anything for probably 2–3 weeks,” Poulin said. “So basically, I just watched all the Marvel movies and was eating chocolate for two weeks. Then after that, that’s when the rehab process started.”
Talbot asked Poulin if he could name one thing that helped him the most during that time, and reaching out to a psychologist was what came to mind. Poulin got in touch with somebody back home he had worked with in the past, and started having sessions twice a week for about two months.
“Then after that, I just kept seeing her. I still talk to her right now, so it’s been more than two years, and I’m still in touch with her,” Poulin said. “I feel like people kind of think it’s a bad thing to talk to a psychologist in a way, and (some) people don’t really believe in that stuff. But honestly, that probably changed my life, and I highly recommend that for other people.
“I feel like it’s probably the first step that’s the hardest, just to ask for help and just say that you’re not feeling great. But honestly, once you do that step and you get the help you need, it’s crazy how life can be so much better afterwards.”
Poulin rejoined the team in April, after months of hard work on himself. His teammates were happy to have him back, and couldn’t be more supportive. But that work continued even after he returned, as Poulin said he still felt depressed most days, worried that he would start feeling the way he did the previous year, which kept him from truly enjoying the sport like he used to.
But now, Poulin is in a state of mind that has him feeling excited and like those particular dark times are behind him. This has been the first time in two years that Poulin isn’t overthinking anything or too far in his own head.
“I can just focus on playing hockey and enjoying my time here and enjoying life again. So, I’m just really happy to be back to full health,” Poulin said. “I’m just glad I made that decision two years ago to go home.
“At the time, I thought it was the worst thing that could happen to me. I was wondering why it was happening to me. But now, I can see that everything happens for a reason, and I’m just so glad that I took those steps to be healthier.”
More information on the Hockey Talks initiative can be found here.
