18 Totally Normal And Innocent Things Women Stopped Doing Because Men Kept Mistaking It For “Flirting”
1.
“I don’t shave my legs. It’s hilarious how this one thing turns men from leering at you to glaring at you for being ‘gross-looking.’ I don’t want someone who judges me for my appearance anyway, so this suits me just fine. It doesn’t stop all men, though. I’ve had a guy literally grab my thigh and whisper in my ear, ‘If you shaved your legs, I would totally f—ck you.’ Creepy ASF.”
2.
“Giving compliments. I once sat next to a man in an art class, and sometimes I would compliment him on his work because he was a good artist. He and the rest of the table immediately thought I was trying to flirt, when in reality, I was just trying to be nice to someone I sit next to every day. Now, I avoid giving compliments like this.”
—Anonymous
3.
“I work with kids, so there is a lot of picking things up off the floor. But if there are any men in the room, I have to squat because bending over is showing off my butt and clearly an invitation. Never mind the fact that I’m old and squatting hurts my knees.”
—Anonymous
4.
“I am big-breasted. I refrain from wearing shirts that actually fit me just to avoid eyes and uncomfortable comments from men. I’ll even throw on a sports bra under an oversized shirt to make them appear smaller. It’s over 100 degrees in Texas, so I really wish I could just have them removed to be able to enjoy smaller shirts that actually fit vs. having extra heavy hot material on me.”
—Anonymous
5.
“One weekend, I dressed in an oversized T-shirt and some plain hiking shorts and went to a free outdoor yoga class in a public park. It was mostly women in the class, yet I was the only one who was picked on and harassed by some men off to the side. I did not stay for final relaxation pose because I did not feel safe enough to close my eyes and relax. I stopped going to yoga after that.”
6.
“Having my photo in my profile on Nextdoor. I lost count how many creeps slid into my DMs. Now, I’ve just changed my profile photo in all my social media to my cat.”
7.
“Literally existing. I’ve been followed on more than one occasion while the person called out compliments to me. One time I was waiting for a bus and ended up having to hide in a bathroom, and the second time I was just walking home from work minding my own business.”
8.
“I avoiding looking at any man, because they think you’re into them. One guy kept following closely and initiating small talk. I finally lost it and yelled at him to get lost. His response: ‘You keep looking at me, I thought you liked me.’ Actually, I kept glancing to make sure I could avoid you each time and keep a safe distance from you!”
—Anonymous
9.
“Saying I’m a vegetarian. Constant inappropriate, ridiculous comments from men about how they’re ‘vagitarians,’ and, ‘Oh, you don’t eat meat, how does your man feel about that?’ And, ‘you’d love my meat.’ Completely disgusting.”
10.
“This was back in the day when I first started working in hospitality, but at the hotel I worked at we would ask the guests if they wanted a wake-up call when checking in. I cannot tell you how many times men would take that as an invitation to make a weird, sexual, or crude joke. One guy even told me he wanted me personally to go into his room and wake him up. I literally felt nauseated when he said that to me.”
11.
“I no longer eat ice cream cones in public. Men get the wrong idea. I’m also in my 40s and have a resting b*tch face. No, I’m not going to smile, either.”
12.
“Many, many things, but most recently I told a manager at work I liked his aftershave. He then proceeded to tell people I obviously wanted him. Obviously, dude, obviously.”
13.
“I heavily avoid going into public without my husband. If he even goes 20 feet away to the deli section while I’m looking at bread, some dude will start talking to me. It happens every. single. TIME. If I’m alone for more than 30 seconds? BOOM. Stranger in my personal space chatting me up. They disappear or wrap up the conversation like a bolt of lightning as soon as my husband shows back up, so now my husband rarely leaves me alone. It’s not because he’s possessive, it’s because he’s seen it happen too many times.”
14.
“Literally just talking. I have resting nice face along with the gift of being able to be social with just about anybody, so I’ve learned to try to be more mindful of how ‘happy’ I sound when talking to men. It took me years to pick up on this. I work from home, so most of the time, I’m just happy to talk to anybody.”
15.
“I work for a parks department. I can handle framing for concrete and fixing busted irrigation lines. I NEVER say ‘wood’ or ‘pipe’ in front of my male coworkers. I also call beavers (the animal) by their Latin name now. I don’t really have time for them to get over those words coming out of a woman’s mouth!”
16.
“Reapplying ChapStick, lip gloss, or otherwise bringing any attention to my mouth. Especially while waiting at a stoplight with a car beside or in front of me.”
“Side note: I am ASTONISHED at how many men pick their noses for the ENTIRE DURATION of a stoplight. Dude, you’re not the only one looking in your rearview mirror!”
—Anonymous
17.
“I am 4’11″. That means many shelves are out of my reach at grocery stores. Do you know how many times and how long I have waited for a woman tall enough to reach items on upper shelves? The first few times I asked a male to reach that can of green beans, they thought I was flirting with them. And all I wanted was to get home and make dinner.”
—Anonymous
18.
“I’m an elementary school teacher. I try to avoid letting men know what I do for work until I’ve developed a trusted friendship with them, because so many men make really gross comments about how they always wanted to hook up with one of their teachers or how I must be a sexual awakening for the boys in my class. My students are 8–9 years old. It’s disgusting and makes me feel so gross when they talk about ‘hot for teacher’ crap.”
Do you avoid certain behaviors or situations to avoid “leading men on?” Share your stories in the comments, or use this anonymous form. Your response could be featured in an upcoming BuzzFeed Community post.
Note: Submissions have been edited for length/clarity.
If you or someone you know has experienced sexual assault, you can speak to someone by contacting RAINN at 800-656-HOPE (4673). And here are sexual assault helplines outside the US.
