When both parents work full-time, managing life with a small child can be challenging. Lenny turned to her mother-in-law, who had ample free time, for help. However, her mother-in-law refused to babysit all day, stating it wasn’t her responsibility. Frustrated, Lenny made a drastic decision, and the situation quickly spiraled out of control. Feeling overwhelmed and heartbroken, the young mom reached out to us for advice.
This is Lenny’s letter:
Hi Lenny! Thank you for sharing your story. We’ve prepared some tips that can help you navigate through this situation.
Address your husband’s indifference.
Your husband’s dismissive attitude is a serious issue. Have a calm but firm discussion to express how his lack of support during this incident left you feeling isolated and betrayed.
Emphasize that as co-parents, you need to make unified decisions, especially in matters involving your child’s safety. If he resists, consider involving a marriage counselor to help navigate this conflict.
Seek legal protection.
Your MIL’s actions—forcing her way in and taking your child—could qualify as unlawful. Consult a family lawyer to explore options such as a restraining order or other legal measures to ensure she cannot access your home or child without your permission.
This will not only protect your child but also set clear consequences for boundary violations.
Rebuild boundaries with MIL.
Have a direct but firm conversation with your MIL. Calmly explain why her behavior was unacceptable and how it breached your trust as a parent.
Lay down specific rules about her involvement in your child’s life, such as requiring your explicit permission for visits. Make it clear that while she is the grandmother, these boundaries are non-negotiable.
Strengthen the nanny’s role.
Ensure your nanny feels empowered and secure in her role. Discuss what happened and offer support to rebuild her confidence. Provide clear instructions on how to handle unapproved visitors in the future, including calling the police if necessary.
This will prevent a repeat of the situation and help establish her authority while caring for your child.
Frannie is caught in a tense conflict with her mother-in-law. The MIL generously offered to buy the newlyweds a house, but Frannie is hesitant to accept such a significant gift, fearing it would come with strings attached. She describes her MIL as a control freak, which only heightens her concerns. To make matters worse, Frannie’s husband is siding with his mother, leaving her feeling unsupported. Read her full story here.
