My Brother Excluded My Son Out of His Child-Free Wedding but Invited His Little Cousins

Recently my family was invited to my brother’s wedding: me, my husband, our daughter (21), and our son (18). Everyone except our younger son (16) because it is a child-free wedding. I called my brother to confirm that my son wasn’t invited because I had been to a child-free wedding before that was 13+ or 16+ and my son wouldn’t behave badly or need such close supervision as a younger child would.

My brother was very apologetic and said that he couldn’t make exceptions to his rule, that some of his friends have much younger kids, and he didn’t want to look like he was showing favoritism by allowing my 16-year-old to come. That was fine by me, I understand child-free weddings, I had a child-free wedding (prior to having kids).

My brother has two children of his own from a previous marriage (16 and 17) and two of my sister’s kids are also under 18 (13 and 15) and I assumed none of them would be invited either. The wedding is in a different country and my family will be flying out for the weekend. My 16-years-old is a bit sad about not being invited because he and my brother are close, I also don’t want to leave him home alone for the weekend.

So I have made a plan that on the night of the wedding he and his cousins could hang out in the hotel, use the pool, get room service and make a night of it. Then the next day we could explore the city as a family, so my son doesn’t feel sad about being left out.

When I told my brother the plan, he thought it was a great idea, but when I told my sister, she was surprised and said her kids had been invited and that she didn’t know it was child-free. She had checked with my brother who told her it was 13+ so my niece was invited.

So we both called my brother, who admitted that my son is the only one under 18 in the immediate family who has not been invited, though he wouldn’t say why despite me pushing him.

My sister and I have both decided to not attend as we are both pissed off at him, and she loves my 16-year-old. My mother is calling us both up saying we are being childish and letting my brother down.

My brother’s soon-to-be wife is also furious at us and says that my brother is distraught and that my son was excluded «for a good reason» once again not saying the reason. My brother-in-law (sister’s husband) is also upset and blaming me for my sister not going, and I am starting to feel bad and wish I had just let sleeping dogs lie. But was I wrong?

• «You insult my kid like that, and I’m not going to give you the time of day. If it WAS for a good reason, they should have no problem telling you that reason.» seregil42 / Reddit
• «Here’s the part that gets me. Your brother said the pool party and room service was a great idea knowing that it was going to be a pool party for one since all of the other cousins were invited to the wedding. That right there is an idiot move.» mommy_san / Reddit
• «Actions have consequences and your brother better have a good reason to exclude your 16yo son when 13 and 15yo kids of your sister are invited. I would also not attend his wedding, it’s just insane what he did without providing any reason.
  What did they think? That you would arrive, see your sister’s kids who both are younger than yours there and then smile and wish him all the best!?» forgeris / Reddit

• «’My brother was very apologetic and said that he can’t make exceptions to his rule.’ Obviously he CAN. And to refuse to give you a reason is even worse. Good for your sister for calling them out.» Beneficial-Year-one / Reddit
• «They put you in this position. You were flying to a different country-what on earth did they think you were going to do with a 16-year-old? You weren’t leaving him home, and he’s too old for a babysitter. They’re honestly idiots if they thought they were gonna get away with the child-free excuse.
  And tell your mother your brother let you and his nephew down. She is also being a really bad grandmother here supporting a situation where just one grandchild is excluded while refusing to even clarify why.» whichwitch9 / Reddit

• «If your son truly isn’t an issue (not rude or disruptive) and your brother won’t give you a good reason why he doesn’t want your son there while other children are attending — I don’t blame you for not going. You are not responsible for your sister’s choices, clearly, she also thinks your brother is an idiot.» Substantial_Rip_4675 / Reddit
• «Unless your brother and bride-to-be want to explain the ’good reason,’ I would not be anywhere near that wedding. Your brother and mother have also both lied to you about the situation. Your mother knew from the beginning that the wedding was not child-free.» Unknown author / Reddit
• «I’ve really hated this trend of ’child-free’ getting more and more expansive. What child-free is supposed to refer to is young children who need supervision. Some might use it for only smaller kids and toddlers, others include the 9-14 range. Up to you.
  What it was not supposed to mean was teenagers. People who literally, by that age, are now driving or might even be working, and have a certain amount of maturity. Do you want to exclude them too? Okay, but own it. It’s not child-free, it’s arbitrary.» Seriousgyro / Reddit