A pregnant woman had to turn to strangers on social media for advice after feeling neglected by her own family. Her mother forgot all about her baby shower, and prioritized her sister, who’s also pregnant. But the issue runs much deeper. She is torn between hurt and confusion, and is looking for help to deal with her emotions and her family’s actions.
She wrote:
«My mom is obsessed with my sister — my sister has never worked, doesn’t have a car, and her life is fully funded by my parents despite the fact that she is married and 27 years old. I (30F) own two small businesses with my husband, and we work hard, long hours. My husband and I had a miscarriage last year and were overjoyed to find out we were pregnant again. My parents were so excited and were way more loving and attentive than they’ve ever been. That is, until my sister announced she was also pregnant. With twins.
I have been supportive of my sister but was secretly devastated we’d be pregnant at the same time because I knew my parents would not care about my pregnancy and my child would constantly be compared to my sister’s kids for his entire life. They’re due about 35 days apart, but my sister is having an elective C-section and has moved the date back farther each month so that we’re now due six days apart.»
«My friends and husband thought I was overreacting, until it was time for my baby shower. We live out of state, but my mom promised a virtual shower and we picked a date. I work a lot, so I figured it was handled. I followed up a few times and was told they were figuring it out, and then was like, „Oh, the date is almost here!“ I called my mom to find out if it was happening, but she didn’t answer.
The day of the baby shower came and nothing. And then, my mom texted me a beautiful, elaborate invitation to my sister’s baby shower in a few weeks. That’s it. She never called me back or anything. I realized that she completely forgot about it altogether.
My husband no longer thinks I’ve overreacted, and we are now assuming neither of my parents will be coming to help with the baby or have much interest at all. I’ve worked really hard in therapy to forgive and learn to deal with my family because I want my son to have grandparents and cousins, but I don’t know if I want either of us to be in a family system where we don’t matter. I know how that feels already.
Am I overreacting or being hormonal? I didn’t help plan the shower and wasn’t adamant about it, but I checked my texts and both me and my husband have messages from them saying they were doing it. Between my family issues/history and being pregnant, I just don’t trust my own judgement.»
Although she was having doubts about her feelings, people in the comments assured she was right to feel neglected by her family and offered advice on how to deal with it:
- You are not overreacting one bit. It is one thing for her to not be good at that sort of thing and forget, but this is a whole other level. She made beautiful invitations for your sister and did not even answer the phone when you attempted to contact her. Your sister is her priority, and you need to move on from them because as sad as it is, you won’t be the priority. © KaleidoscopeDan / Reddit
- The damage that will be done to your son by being constantly (negatively) compared to his cousins is much greater than any loss he could possibly feel by not having grandparents. One day he will be old enough to understand and if he so chooses he could meet them and will quickly learn why you chose to protect him from them.
You have achieved so much, and you still get no recognition from them — nothing is ever going to change. Stop wasting your energy. Go and make a happy life without all of them — and take back all the time and money you would have spent on them for yourselves and invest it in your own future. © cathysclown76 / Reddit
- I was the kid of the parents that got ignored, while my cousins and their parents were just everything to my grandparents. Don’t let your parents treat them second. My father regrets to this day for not telling his parents off for ignoring us and praising their other grandchildren. © Dmau27 / Reddit
- No, no you’re not overreacting. But you’re also not going to change them, no matter how many times you explain how their favoritism hurts you, or later on, your kids.
Speaking from the other side of a mess that on the surface, sounded similar to this — let them take themselves out of your life and don’t count on them. Focus on the people that matter, that are in your life day in and day out. I know it sucks, but honestly, it’s better in the long run if the kids are never attached to them emotionally. I learned that the hard way. © neverenoughpurple / Reddit
- They have made it clear what their priorities are, and you’re not it. It’s time to let go. Don’t send them a long email or try to call and explain your hurt feelings, because they won’t care.
You don’t need to make a big dramatic scene, just stop reaching out. Stop sharing your life with them. Don’t respond to the invite, don’t reach out to your sister or to find out about the baby, just remove yourself from their lives.
They may realize what they’ve done and try to make amends, and it will be up to you to decide to give them a second chance or not. Either way, you need to focus on your real family: your husband, your new baby, the friends you’ve chosen. It’s time to stop wasting energy on people who don’t want to be in your life. © Unknown author / Reddit
- I feel, at this point, you should silently disappear. I mean, you were overlooked anyway. And your sister is not going to be wanting for anything, and you really don’t owe her anything. Do not respond to the RSVP. Do not tell them you’re in labor. Block on social media.
Just disappear. Ignore calls and just learn from the experience. Treat your son like you’ve always wanted to be treated. Give him the world. You really don’t need to be the scapegoat anymore. You’re free. © Keopikwin / Reddit
Pregnancy is a sensitive time, one that should be mostly filled with peace, comfort and privacy, particularly when the moment to give birth arrives. Unfortunately, that’s not what happened to a new mom, who had to endure an incredibly stressful birth because of how her mother-in-law acted. She also turned to social media to ask for advice, and we featured her story in this article.
