How to Have the Most Intense Orgasm of Your Life

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Orgasms rule, no matter whether you’re having them alone or with a partner. Still, there’s something special to be said for the ones that leave you unable to think straight for a full five minutes after, or that you walk around feeling for the next few hours. Or whatever a super-hot orgasm is like for you! Everybody’s different (as is every body).

If you have a vagina and you’re looking to come so hard that it reverberates through the very depths of your spirit, read on for extremely fun methods for increasing your sexual pleasure and ramping up the intensity of many different types of orgasms. (And even if you don’t get all the way there, that’s totally normal too, and all of these ideas will still feel great.)

Partnered sex is wonderful in its own right, but taking time to learn what you like all on your own can help you get off the way that feels best to you whether or not you’re in bed with someone else, or just yourself (and maybe your favorite sex toy).

“Getting to know your own body and the type of pressure and friction that feel good really sets a template for knowing how to arouse yourself and have an orgasm during sex,” Ian Kerner, PhD, LMFT, AASECT-certified sex therapist and author of She Comes First, tells SELF. If you’re looking for fresh ideas to try, SELF has a guide to masturbation techniques for people with vaginas that feel amazing.

2. Call on the power of sexual fantasies—and test out some new ones.

Fantasies can help you forget the stressors of day-to-day life, feel less inhibited, and zero in on what gets you hot, whether you’re alone or with another person. “Don’t underestimate the power of mental arousal,” Dr. Kerner says.

If you’re not sure what gets you going or your existing spank bank feels a little stale, give something new a shot! For instance, if you’re used to watching porn videos, seek out audio erotica for a new twist on an old classic. Once you feel connected to the scenarios that especially turn you on, you can bring them into your masturbation routine, draw on them during hookups, and, as you’re getting down in any capacity, call them to mind to make whatever you’re doing even hotter.

3. Don’t skimp on foreplay.

Foreplay primes your body to have the most toe-curling possible orgasm later on. Dr. Kerner suggests thinking of your entire body as an erogenous zone instead of jumping into the wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am type of deal. Whether you’re having vaginal intercourse or easing into a different kind of sex: Take time to make out, pay attention to your breasts or wherever else you like to be touched, and otherwise heat things up before you jump into the main event, whatever it may be. Making it a point to get as turned on as possible gives your body a chance to maximize feel-good bodily processes that happen in response to sex, like extra blood flow that increases sensitivity and muscular tension that makes it all the more likely you’ll feel a huge sense of release during your orgasm.

4. Communicate with your partners and ask for what you want.

Sometimes, it’s easy to get in your head during sex, or to prioritize someone else’s pleasure over your own sexual arousal. If that sounds like you: Try focusing on what makes you feel good in bed, rather than how you look or whether your partner is enjoying themself. If you’re in bed with someone, chances are they want to make you feel good (including by having a great orgasm). Give them the info they might need to help them get you there.

Try something like asking for a sensual massage (without feeling like you always have to return the favor) if you’re not sure where to start, but generally speaking, just tell the person you’re in bed with what you’re into. You can also gently redirect them if something isn’t working for you by saying something like, “I’d love it if you touched me like XYZ right now—can we try that?” And if you have a difficult time talking to your partner about your sex life, try SELF’s tips for making it feel less awkward.

5. Use (way more!) lube.

No matter what parts of your body you’re loving up, lube will make that feel even better than it already does. SELF has a great guide to incorporating lube into sex acts of all stripes, and choosing the right type of lubricant for you will cut down on uncomfortable friction or dryness and maximize the incredible-feeling aspects of whatever kind of action you’re getting, especially during vaginal penetration, anal sex, manual play, and hookups that include sex toys.

A big thing to note here: When it comes to slipperiness, more is more, meaning that you should reapply often for the best results, a.k.a. the most swoon-inducing stimulation, and, eventually, the strongest orgasm.

6. Show your clitoris lots of love.

Dr. Kerner calls the clitoris “the powerhouse of the orgasm” for people with vaginas, and for good reason—it’s packed with nerve endings that respond hugely to touch and attention, meaning that they can help you unlock the orgasm of your wildest dreams. “Think of the clitoris as the kindling in the campfire that gets the blaze going,” he says.

Many people with vaginas need direct clitoral stimulation to come, whether that’s during foreplay or as you do other things too. Whatever it is that you like, make sure either you or your partner incorporates that technique before or during sex. You can have your partner play with your clit while they’re penetrating you with a penis or toy, go long on oral sex, or use a clitoral vibrator as you go—more on this in a bit.

7. Give anal sex a shot.

Whether you’ve wondered about anal but never actually given it a shot, or you’re a seasoned practitioner of the backdoor arts, bringing your booty into the sexual mix can offer you sensations that make an orgasm feel all the more intense when you get there.

If you’re not ready for full-on penetrative sex, you can still enjoy the sensations that come with external play, and if you do want to do the full butt monty, here’s a guide to preparing yourself for anal sex.

For maximum pleasure, bring the pointers above about making your clit feel great into the mix as you love up your butt—the combined types of stimulation can send you over the moon as you come. Whatever you do, anal lube is your best friend—and an essential part of any sexual activity involving your butt.

8. Go for the G-spot gold.

The G-spot is a region of spongy tissue inside your body along the front vaginal wall, and paying attention to it can feel really good for some people. The easiest way to tap into that pleasure is by inserting your index finger (or having a partner insert theirs) a few inches into your vagina, and curling that finger in a come-hither motion toward the front wall of the vagina, a.k.a. under your belly button.

“Combining clitoral stimulation with G-spot stimulation can give you the feeling of a blended orgasm,” says Dr. Kerner, using a term for a combined vaginal and clitoral orgasm, since the G-spot is close to the internal parts of your clit. You might need to experiment a little to get there, but if you’re intrigued, remember that practice often makes perfect.

9. Switch up your sex positions.

Experimenting with different positions—and the areas of your bod they stimulate—during a hookup can add variety and depth to your pleasure, ultimately making for an all-timer of an orgasm. SELF has great advice about hot sex positions to do with a partner, or you can just cycle through arrangements you know you like in order to hit different areas of your body with sexy attention and care as you work toward a big finish.

10. Try out vibrators or other sex toys, whether you’re by yourself or with a partner.

Vibrators and other toys can offer up the X factor that gets you to wait-what’s-my-name-again kind of orgasms, and you don’t have to relegate yours to solo play. “You can use a vibrator to enhance sex” with a partner too, says Dr. Kerner.

You might have a partner use your favorite vibrator on you before you do other sex acts, use a clitoral vibe on yourself while they penetrate you to beef up a vaginal orgasm, or bring in a toy specifically designed for use by couples. The possibilities are endless—and if you’re into how incorporating sex toys feels for you, your resulting orgasm might feel endless too.

11. Give edging a whirl.

Edging is a term for delaying an orgasm when you’re really close. For instance: Maybe you’re on the brink when someone’s eating you out and you ask them to focus on your labia or vulva instead of your clit, or you slow down right when a certain position is about to bring you over the edge.

Delaying the big moment right when you’re going to come, then finally giving in only when it’s not an option to wait any longer, can make your orgasm feel absolutely blackout-inducing in the very best of ways. If you’re used to rushing toward the finish line, you might find that this technique offers you a way of getting there that’s slower but can be so much more satisfying of a sexual experience throughout, including at the end.

12. Try for multiple orgasms.

If you come once and find that you’re ready to try for another climax, SELF has a thorough guide to having multiple orgasms, including tips about getting yourself ready mentally as well as the more physical approaches to sex that can help prepare your body for consecutive Os.

Don’t force it if one is enough—or if you can’t get across the finish line at all, no matter what it is you’re doing! It’s totally possible to have a sexy, fulfilling time without coming at all. What matters is that you feel great in exactly the way that makes you happy. Have fun—and enjoy every second of your hookup or solo session, whatever kind of orgasm you have (or not).


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